Its not lost on me that as I write about creating memories I am, at that very time, creating memories – I have no idea whether they are memories that will persist or whether within a very short time they will – like the vast majority of memories be completely forgotten – or, perhaps more scarily, whether they will be changed in some way that I have not foreseen.
We never ‘expect’ our memories to change. As far as we know they are things that persist – unchanged – forever. Yet, numerous studies have shown that our memory systems are far from flawless when it comes to accurate recall.
There are so many different aspects to this that I suspect that there will be a number of posts around facets of the whole.
For instance – when we lay down memories we actually do not know how we will view those memories when, sometime in the future, we recall them and ‘judge’ them in the light of future experience – or dare I say – wisdom. That is, I guess why I am very sceptical when anyone – and especially someone young who has a long life ahead of them – says something along the lines of “that was the best moment of my life – I am never going to be so happy again”. I sort of think – how terrible to even consider that you cannot reach that peak again.
Of course I understand “why” they said it – and if instead of the second phrase they instead say something like “so far” then it immediately becomes much more palatable – even if it could actually still be wrong(!).
Why do I say that it might be wrong – well the judgement of that “perfect moment” is in the light of your emotions, feelings, situation, whatever – the context – at that time. It is actually difficult (especially at the moment of the experience) to compare it with any other experience in any other context. Perhaps “in the cold light of day” you can weigh up whether A was better than B – but it is possible that even then the number of things contributing to that decision becomes far too many – or – more simply – you cannot say whether the apple you ate on monday was better than the orange you ate on Wednesday.
Looking back it is difficult – if not impossible – to say what was the “best” moment of my life – it is not a sensible question to try and answer, any more than what is my favourite music. There have been many “high” points – and many “low” points – but comparing one with another really is like trying to decide whether Beethoven’s Choral Symphony is ‘better’ than Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring. What is perhaps more interesting is how any individual memory has its “rating” changed by time. What once seemed like a “complete disaster” turns into a fond memory or that “elation” is relegated to a lucky break or even something you regret.
Problem is – at the time we create the memories – i.e. when things are actually happening – we rarely if ever have the luxury of considering how we will think about them in the future.
We “do things” based on the contexts we find ourselves in at that time – and here I repeat what I said in an earlier writing – there is no such thing as a bad decision at the moment of making that decision. No one will make a decision that they think is a bad choice – not from their perspective. The person standing next to them may be aware that it is a bad choice, but that is because they have access to some piece of information that the decision maker doesn’t have.
In some cases the “change of rating” of a memory happens very quickly. I think here of the cyclist in this year’s Tour of California who celebrated winning the stage after outsprinting his rivals – thus laying down one of those “best ever moment” memories – only to have his perception changed a few seconds later when everyone cycled past him as they all still had another lap to go before the end. He had one of the shortest lived “best point in my life” moments ever. Not all changes in the “rating” of memories happens quite so suddenly and, of course, it need not go from good to bad – some happen completely the other way round.
I watched a short comedy clip last night in which someone was in a real “pickle” and really did NOT want to do something – his colleague said “don’t worry -we will laugh about this in a couple of hours when its all over”. Yes, that is often comforting when something is really worrying us – the important thing to remember (is that creating yet another memory???) is that how we will later reflect on an event is not necessarily how we experience it at the time.