This is a mantra that is widely accepted, often repeated and, in my opinion, lacking in a true understanding of the “cost” of things. There is currently a radio advert that uses the phrase and I hear it most days whilst sitting in the car – no wonder my “thinking” has been triggered.
I also saw it posted by a friend on a social media site recently – whilst I agreed with the sentiment – that love, smiles, hugs, etc. are really helpful when it comes to “making life better” I had to question the fact of whether they really are free.
The problem, as I see it, is that “free” in this particular context simply means “does not cost any money” – this is a dangerously limiting definition. Many (most? ALL??) of the things that people think of in these terms can have a very high “cost” in ways other than money.
The list in the graphic posted on social media included nine “free” things that, according to the graphic, are best things in life. They were hugs, smiles, friends, kisses, family, sleep, love, laughter and good memories. All of them can be free – in a monetary sense – although they are not always – family is great – but it certainly is not free!! Conversely, it is rare for any of them to be entirely without cost when we widen the definition of cost.
It would be possible to go through each and outline exactly what costs were ‘hidden’, but in order to make this post a readable length I will just pick a couple – which have (potentially) quite different costs involved.
Friends – cost free? Well, in the sense that it “costs nothing” to become someone’s friend that is true, however the reality is that the “better” the friendship, the less likely it is to be free. When your friend faces some difficulties, it will cost you emotionally – and perhaps financially, depending on the precise difficulties – since a true friend will “feel” the other’s hurt.
The closeness of the friendship will determine the extent of the cost – those who are not willing to pay the price will simply fail to become close – they say that when bad things happen “you know who your true friends are” – they are the ones who can ‘afford’ to pay the price. This is why you should also not be too quick to judge those who ‘fail’ you when the hard times come – sometimes its just that the price to them is too high – sometimes the cost of “letting you down” is also high!!
That is why, when someone fails to ‘support’ me in the way I expect I am, at least partially, understanding of that attitude. I don’t know whether their failure is because they “don’t care” or because they “do care” – but cannot afford to do anything about it – and again it should be stressed that “affording it” has to do with much more than ‘just’ any financial aspect.
The other one that I will pull out is, perhaps, easier to see the ‘hidden costs’ and in this case they may well be financial. “Good memories” are usually – but not always – created following some expenditure – of cash or emotion. So – whilst the memory is “free” – gaining it was not. I have great memories of spending time in Vienna – many different ones – but what was the cost? That’s not the same as asking “was it worth it” – because in this case the answer is almost certainly goin to be a resounding “yes”.
There are many costs – from the tickets to concerts that I attended – although one of the most outstanding ones (as far as good memories are concerned) was actually a “free” concert – to the (relatively) high cost of living in that city – to the separation from my friends and family for a significant period of time – to the diversion from the “straight and narrow” as far as my career was concerned.
Most, if not all, of these costs have associated benefits and it could be argued that when it comes to measuring whether the “best things in life are free” we should look at the balance – but then, the phrase would have to be changed to “the best things in life are worth it” which becomes less pithy; less meaningful.
I am happy to go along with the sentiment of the graphic – but free? Not really…
Oh – and by the way, do I necessarily think that these nine really are the “best things in life” – probably not, but that’s another post!