We all do it – whether it is keeping something a secret or “putting on a face” when we are feeling down or slapping on the makeup to make us look better than we do (NOT something I indulge in personally 😉) or dressing for dinner – its all an act – a game we play to hide the ‘reality’ in one way or another from someone or other.
It is not, of course a bad thing (necessarily) but it is – I think – always manipulative in some way or other. Often for the best of reasons we are trying to ensure that the ‘reality’ that someone else sees is not entirely in line with what we believe to be reality.
Following it so far?
One problem with saying that we are “playing games” is that somehow lessens it – demeans it – trivialises it. It is often far from trivial. Think of the ways in which we behaved as adolescents – all those tricks to try to attract a mate – for that is what they boiled down to. Splash on the aftershave; wear the latest fashions; have that really trendy hairstyle. All to impress the opposite sex.
This, many would have it, is our main purpose in life – to procreate and ensure the survival of the species. So this is far too important to be trivialised by calling “game playing” – and I sort of agree – the use of game is unfortunate.
In this post I want to concentrate on just one aspect – the fact that we often present only one facet of our personality to the world.
We are all complex people – unfortunately it is rare to get to know anyone well enough to realise that complexity – instead we interact through a series of ‘norms’ that our culture and society place upon us. We (on the whole) know how to behave ‘properly’ in public and that is the persona that gets shown to the world.
Of course – ‘properly’ will be defined in different ways by different people and it is almost certain that any one person’s idea of ‘properly’ will be the antithesis of that of a significant number of other people – whether that be because of religion or race or even which football team you support.
Only our closest friends get to see “our true colours” – for some people that is uncomfortable, because their ‘private’ self not only contradicts their public self, but it may even contradict the ‘norms’ by which we judge “right” and “wrong”, “good” or “bad”. So, what happens then?
Its often not so easy to change.
So going back to the manipulation – well some people make a career out of this – spin doctors and advertising men spring to mind. For most, the manipulation is not only harmless, it is positively beneficial. Unfortunately, in far too many cases we see the results of the harmful side of this type of manipulation plastered across the media at every opportunity.
You know the things – its not like him; she wasn’t herself; its not in her character to do that – we are continually ‘surprised’ by the revelations – often about celebrities, since they have most to gain by having painted an elaborate public image – goodness the revelations this week about Jimmy Saville are an excellent example of the public image hiding a sordid private reality.
I admit to manipulation – I admit to often putting on an act – I hope that I do it for positive reasons rather than negative ones.
When giving a presentation – I put on an act that I am a confident speaker who knows his subject back to front and can hold court with the best of them in a discussion.
When performing music – I put on an act that I can cope with anything in a completely nerveless way.
When organising events – I put on an act that I am unflappable and can think of every eventuality and most certainly have all the angles covered.
When with my closest friends and family – even there it is sometimes necessary to put on an act. Usually to avoid someone getting hurt, or to alleviate or mitigate some problem.
So – this is not uncommon – however, it is becoming ever more prevalent and, of course, the internet has succeeded in turning it into some sort of art form. Lots of people now can ‘hide’ behind their online persona – and in Second Life, for instance, you can effectively develop the character that you reall wanted to be – for good or bad reasons.
This really does change what it means to be “me” – for each of these people. Are you really the persona you have adopted in Second Life, or the profile you generated in LinkedIn or Facebook – or is the ‘real’ you still living and breathing in the world offline? Perhaps in the days to come – and perhaps not that far away – there will be a time when such a question is rendered meaningless. The limitations of our body and character will be eliminated by the ability to ‘exist’ online.
Goodness – there are already plenty stories about the online world becoming confused with the ‘real’ world – and I suspect that for many people the ‘real’ world is the online one. I think (perhaps surprisingly) that is not necessarily a bad thing!!
This is a subject that could run and run. I suspect more entries in the blog on this.
In the meantime – we all play games, unfortunately for some these games are not (at least in my world) terribly healthy ones – I hope that any games I play are beneficial ones.