Following on from the need to understand that others have their own worldview that will be difficult for any of us to get inside it is necessary to spend just a short time looking at things from the other way round.
We have to realise that all of the time we are being faced with the issues that result from other people projecting their ‘understanding’ on what we, as individuals, are doing – so, instead of what we ‘mean’ to say or do the result is very much dependent on what others interpret as our meaning – which could, of course, be quite different.
Many people (actually probably all people) play games when it comes to their ‘public’ face. It doesn’t take long looking at politicians or lawyers or even customer service personnel to realise that this is actually necessary in many facets of life and is “the way things get done”. Unfortunately, these games also get in the way of understanding others.
I try, most of the time, to have no hidden agendas – for me it is usually a case of WYSIWYG!! In almost all situations I believe that this is the best way to approach things. However, there is a paradox here because I also find that most people are on the lookout for hidden agendas and rarely trust that there are none. So I, perversely, end up playing the game of doing things in a way that contrives to match other people’s expectations of being open and honest, rather than actually being open and honest.
Confused?
There are many instances where I hold things back because if I were to put them out in the open I would be accused of “playing games” – so, paradoxically, I end up playing games to show that I am not doing so……..
Think about it for a moment – in particular think about how you ‘interpret’ everything that happens around you – someone says something – perhaps they pay you a compliment – you think “what do they want?” Perhaps, they are simply paying the compliment but it is very easy to start to try and put all sorts of ‘spin’ on it. Turn that around and realise that everyone else is doing exactly the same to the things you say and do.
They are inwardly questioning your motives. Most people can relate to the joke that is often told about the husband coming home to his wife with a big bunch of flowers – he is met with the reaction “what have you done wrong?” Extreme perhaps, but typical of someone interpreting an action based on their view of what the other person is thinking!!!!
The result is, bizarrely, that we hit a paradox – so, the husband cannot be nice to his wife and pay her compliments and buy her gifts because that is a sure sign of guilt about something or other. 😀
I have, fortunately, never had to face that particular situation – but I have been in similar situations where (despite having absolutely no hidden agenda) I have been forced to act in a way that doesn’t allow others to question them.
Understanding others also means understanding how others understand us!