My musings on making memories was triggered by a reminder of just how limited our life span is. The inevitability of death is something that everyone must acknowledge, our time is most definitely running out from the moment we are born. Its OK – this isn’t intended to be a morbid post to the blog – simply a working through of some thoughts related to a heightened awareness of our own mortality.
I think that, for me, the thing that is hardest to “accept” is the fact that none of us are going to be around to participate in the ending. There are so many storylines running through our lives and only a small number of them will have completed by the time that our own part in them is over. This isn’t a new thought for me – I vividly remember the same thoughts when my daughters were born – knowing that in all probability I wouldn’t be there to watch them through the whole of their lives.
Naturally, that is, in some ways, a good thing!! It would surely be worse to know that you would be around – and outlive your own children. Even those stories that seem to have got to a conclusion may well prove to be merely having a rest!!!
Whenever your time is up it is inevitable that there will be many loose ends in the narratives that have developed. This is, of course, even more so when death comes suddenly or unexpectedly – however even for those who can – to some degree – plan for their final days many of the narratives will be set on trajectories that they themselves cannot influence.
Clearly the most striking examples are – as I have already suggested in remembering my thoughts when my girls were young – the lives of those people close to us who are “left behind”. The world is a very interconnected place and the lives of our family and close friends are threads which are intimately intertwined with the thread of our own life. The saying goes “Life goes on” and that is so true in this context – our physical part in their threads may end – but that is just a part of their own “life story” – and I have no doubt that the memories also speak to us about those who are no longer with us in person. In most cases we were not part of their story when it began – and we will not be when it ends – well not in the sense of participating.
A lot has been written about how a person “lives on” in the memories of others. For some people that can become a real burden as they fail to come to terms with the fact that there are “only” memories – and again this can often be the case when death comes unexpectedly – especially to someone who is still young. Clearly (from my making memories post) I see this as a positive thing – although the physical presence has been taken away the rich vein of memory must greatly ease the pain of that loss.
It would be nice to think that there was some way in which our lives had impacted the world around us in some way that had a real lasting impression. Those who have created great art, music, literature have put into the world specific artifacts that forever trigger memories – although our memories of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Leonardo Da Vinci and Robert Louis Stevenson are likely to have been forged through reading wikipedia rather than by actually knowing them!!
Not everyone will be universally remembered in that way – however, within our own families (at least) and the communities of which we are a part there will be ways in which the memories are cherished and perpetuated.
For me, the idea of “making memories” has become a strong one – I think that I have done that successfully throughout much of my life – different people will have different memories – no one but me has been there all the time Yes, it is sad to think that sometime – perhaps sooner than we expect – there will be no new memories being made, but there are a lifetime’s worth hanging around already!
I’m sure most people ponder, from time to time, on just how they will be remembered once they are gone. Hopefully the memories will be good, happy ones – hopefully they will, in some way, be inspirational ones.
I spoke in the previous blog about “not knowing” – in the context of never being quite certain about anything since our understanding may simply be limited. The really big DON’T KNOW for everyone is what happens after death. Many would simply say “nothing”, others would be certain of an afterlife, yet other’s will imagine something akin to Terry Pratchett’s DEATH character. No one really knows.
I am absolutely sure that I don’t know. My intellect can conjure up lots of different theories about what ‘might’ happen – to a certain extent it depends on the way in which you think about life generally. Different religions/traditions/cultures clearly have quite differing outlooks ranging from death as the end with nothing to look forward to right through to a place in eternity or a cycle of re-birth. There are people who can tell of “near-death” experiences; there are others who will testify to memories of previous lifes; and there are plenty who would scoff at the merest suggestion of these option…..
As I say – I don’t know – but I believe that there is something about death that we are incapable of understanding whilst we are alive!