Feeding My Ignorance

Once again - as in the case of memories my thinking has been triggered by the theme of a service at church.  This time it is the issue of our fallibility - our propensity to get things wrong - or, as stated yesterday, the mistakes we have made.  Whilst I certainly do not claim to be perfect, there are some parts of "making mistakes" that I'm far from sure about.

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I have written before about the fact that - for me - there is no way that people can make a "wrong decision".  I cannot imagine a way that can happen - the decision AT THE MOMENT THAT IT IS TAKEN is always 'right' for the person making the decision.  Some time later - perhaps a split second - perhaps many years - more usually somewhere in between - that person may realise that the decision making process was flawed - that they - yes - "made a mistake".

What is interesting about mistakes is that they can ONLY be identified by someone else - even if that someone else is you at some time in the future.  No one can 'deliberately' make a mistake.  Isn't that an interesting situation.  A deliberate mistake is a contradiction in terms.  For the unfortunate person making a mistake there is no way that an action can be seen to be a mistake prior to it happening.  An observer can, of course, often see the mistake coming well before it actually happens.

If we look at the definitions of the words that becomes (almost) obvious - one web site lists the following examples :
There must be some mistake.
The manuscript contains numerous spelling mistakes.
There's a mistake in the schedule.

All three of these are suggesting that someone else has made a mistake.

“When does the movie start?” “At 8:00. No, wait—my mistake—it starts at 8:30.”

In this case the person recognises their own mistake - albeit quite soon after it is made.

The final example is slightly different:
It would be a mistake to assume that we can rely on their help.

In this case no mistake has been made - instead there is a recognition that if the assumption were made then a mistake would have occurred - it is therefore reasonable to assume that the assumption would NOT be made.

What are the implications of realising that no one MAKES mistakes - but rather mistakes are identified only at some distance - either temporally or by an observer.  As a 'systems' person I can identify this as an example of the need to address not the 'obvious' but the 'underlying' causes.  We must, of course learn from our mistakes - but in order to do so we must first realise that a mistake has been made - and not everyone is capable of identifying all of their own mistakes (is that "not everyone" or should it be "no one"?).

There is therefore a need to point out mistakes - hopefully not in a vindictive or accusatory way - otherwise they may never be recognised.  One of the things that I do regularly is proof reading or reviewing stuff that others have written.  There are many aspect of writing that are the subject of 'strict' rules (although most can be broken under the right circumstances) whereas other aspects are very subjective.  I try not to 'correct' the style chosen to match how I would write the same thing - that would 'lose the voice' of the original author - and may in itself introduce further 'mistakes'!

Instead I must point out things that I genuinely believe to be in need of improvement.  Are they all mistakes - well I guess yes they are.  In MY view at least.  However, it is important to remember that the original author may well not see it that way.  This is where - for ALL mistakes - there is the possibility of some conflict.
The root of the issue is that labelling something as a "mistake" carries with it criticism - no one likes to be told "you are wrong" which is what pointing out a mistake is.  Therefore care must be taken to ensure that the 'criticism' is delivered in a way that will reduce the risk of a "defensive" reaction.  This is, naturally, even more important when there is no "right" answer (which is the majority of the time after all) and when the criticism is based more on opinion than 'fact'.  (perhaps I need a post clarifying my take on the transitory nature of facts!)

"You have made a mistake" is not an easy message to deliver.  In many respects it is much easier when the realisation is "I have made a mistake" rather than someone else telling me.

There is - as usual - another aspect of mistakes that needs to be considered alongisde this - it may in fact be that the "mistake" was necessary in order to enable progress.  This may seem a bit obscure - but it fits with my "no regrets" life view whereby everything that has occurred to me - good and bad - is essential to getting me to this particular point in my life or to prepare me for some future happening. (see If Only for a fuller exposition)

Thus, mistakes may be even more than 'just' a means to learn how to do something right (quotes along the lines of "the person who hasn't made a mistake, hasn't learned anything illustrate this first step) - they may be a preparation for something that is yet to happen.  The sum of our experiences determines how we react to each new event - the experiences that impact can be good or bad - and, yes, they will include our "mistakes" - and - if these "mistakes" are indeed necessary parts of our psyche - how is it that we can contemplate that they are - indeed - "something that is not correct : a wrong action, statement, or judgment" which is how a mistake is defined!

So - not only do we have this strange situation where a "mistake" is only correctly identified as such by someone else - it is also only a "mistake" in the context of the instant it happens.  In other contexts the original "making a mistake" can be seen as being the 'right thing' to do or say!  

It seems to me that there may well be more to write about this subject - certainly it is likely that this will infiltrate future posts - in the same was as some other topics have been often repeated already.

In the meantime - it seems that "dwelling on your mistakes" is certainly a bad thing to do (at least in respct of "beating yourself up about it" and "wishing you had done something differently") since from a future point of view that mistake will be viewed as an "essential" part of your experience.