Feeding My Ignorance

None of us is immortal - as someone (probably lots of people) once said "everybody dies" - although few know beforehand exactly when that is going to happen. A seemingly growing trend is to generate a "bucket list" - things to do before I die - always assuming I get round to them in time that is.... The longer the list, the less chance that you will actually complete it!

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I have never been overly attracted to the idea of creating such a list. Partly because there are so many things that it would be "good to do" that it would be really difficult deciding what to leave off the list!! It would seem impossible to generate a finite list. We will all, however, do some things between now and when we do indeed "kick the bucket" How do we decide what to do?

When we are young the thought would rarely, if ever, crop up that we should do something because it might be the only chance we get before we die. Even for someone with a high awareness of their own mortality, it would be unusual to assume that life will be cut short when we are only just beginning, so to speak. As we get older, the mortality rate is, of course, higher - the mere fact that we have survived this far means that there is less time to go.....

At some point in everyone's life there must come a realisation that the time that they have remaining is becoming limited - unlike the (seemingly) limitless opportunities in front of a teenager, for someone in their sixties, seventies or older there is only a limited time - so get out that bucket list and start ticking things off!! Not for me.

I received a "wake up" on my own mortality a few years ago - whilst I feel perfectly healthy, there is now an awareness that the length of time left for me is definitely limited. I have no idea whether it is going to be one year, ten years, twenty years or more - but it is now something that I can see on the horizon and which will only get closer.

Pondering this, I began to think through what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I think that at the time of my last treatment I was reconsidering what was 'important' or 'necessary' - and I might have alluded to some of that in previous blog entries. Why read a book? What will that 'add' to my life? Why watch a TV programme? Why listen to a concert? Why do anything, I guess. This is, sort of tied up with the "BIG" question - the meaning or purpose of our lives. What is the point of anything that we do? You will know from previous writings here that my answer would at least partially be that we cannot know!!

That is CANNOT not DO NOT - an important distinction.

Everything is interconnected, therefore even the smallest thing that I do can have implications that are incomprehensible to me. So, should I read that book, watch that TV programme, listen to that music? Probably yes - if it brings me enjoyment. However, that doesn't really amount to a bucket list.

The answer that I came up with when pondering the question "what does it mean to 'make the most' of what is left of your life" was surprisingly (or perhaps not) simple - it was "make memories for others".

We cannot know what the afterlife looks like - many would argue that there is no afterlife - so there is no way of knowing how to prepare ourselves for that. Nothing on that bucket list is going to make a difference - or at least it is unlikely and we can certainly not predict what would and what would not. We can be sure that we will leave people behind - our spouse, our children, maybe even our parents, our siblings, friends and acquaintances. Some of them may be glad to see the back of us!!

In whatever time we have left though we do have the opportunity to create more memories for these people - memories that include us in some way. Things that, once we are gone, they can reflect on and remember the "good times". Things that will reduce the sense of loss - clearly memories do not fill the gap entirely, but what could be better when you lose a loved one than a whole raft of new memories, fresh in your mind.

Putting myself on the other side of the fence for a moment, the memories must be treated in a positive way. It would be easy to let a feeling of regret grow - we have all these memories - but there could have been so many more. That way lies unhappiness. It is, partly, like the "glass half full" conundrum - we can either rejoice in what memories we have, or despair in the fact that we can no longer add to them. The former way sort of pays tribute to the memories - the latter will inevitably result in them fading much more quickly.

Is this a "red thread" from beyond the grave? In some ways I guess that is exactly what I am describing. Those to whom we are most closely tethered will sense only a slight loosening of the bond when there is a good store of memories to keep it quite strong.

So, that is what we leave - for some this will be supplemented with things that are, I guess, more practical - famous authors leave books; composers leave wonderful music; the rich leave their inheritance. All of these will actually regenerate memories - each time a Beethoven symphony is played there are people who are drawn into his world and can imagine a little of what it was like to be Beethoven.

Not all of us will have this benefit though, most must be content with 'just' the memories - so it is important to make sure that they are maximised - and worth leaving...

Perhaps one day I will write about the other side of the coin - what happens to our own memories when we die - that is a much harder question to address.